Well, I guess I'm finding out the limits of the S.O.'s patience...

[sgorny]

... he just told me that I have to start doing things for myself. Realize, I just had surgery 3 days ago.

I had asked him to come & sit in the bathroom as I took my first full shower & washed my hair, as I wouldn't be able to yell for him if I needed him (since my voice is very soft/no volume now). He was a little miffed - he wanted to go walking (he does about 4-5 miles/day usually, less since I've been home). I asked him to wait, as I had just taken a pain pill, and thought it would be easier to wash up now. Or I would have to wait another 4 hours to bathe (after the next one). He rolled his eyes in exasperation, and said that he had things that he wanted to do, too.

When I asked what, he said that he needed to exercise (he's only exercised 4 of the last 7 days), and that he was going to spend a few hours tonight at the studio recording.

Then he told me that I needed to start doing things for myself. When I asked him what he meant, as I felt I hadn't been asking for that much (he's had plenty of time to himself, even mentioned it the day before), he said that I had asked him to heat up the soup for lunch left over from dinner, and I should have been able to do that myself.

So far, the only things I asked him today were to get me some ice water once, do one load of pajamas, to heat up my soup, and to sit in the bathroom while I showered. I didn't think it was that much, but maybe I'm wrong. I've been getting my own meds, getting the bed ready at night (special pillow set up), keeping myself busy on the TV. I did ask him to switch DVD's for me (since there are only 4 episodes/DVD of Dead Like Me), but I'll stop doing that.

But I guess I'll try not to bother him at all any more. That way, when he goes back to work next Monday, I'll be sure I don't need his help. Since I won't be getting any, anyway. And since he's tired of helping me.

And it's not like he hasn't been staying up late, partying, sleeping in, and generally doing what he wants. I'm only watching TV, something that he doesn't like anyway. He's been cooking up a storm for himself, and acting like each night is a Friday night. So I really don't get where he's coming from.

I guess you have to make sure to rely on yourself, huh?

Comments

[obsessedmuch.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry he's not giving you the support you need. None of your requests are in any way unreasonable, even if surgery was done a week or longer. It's not only making your recovery more comfortable that you need help with, it's emotional support as well.

I hope he sees he's not behaving very well and comes to his senses. *more hugs - you deserve them!*

Lar

[tclark1922.livejournal.com]

I've been away for a while and didn't realize you had had your surgery. I'm glad things went well but I'm sorry you're not getting the after care that you should have. Hopefully your S.O. will begin to see that you haven't asked for too much and that you deserve the support. Having an important part of who you are compromised, even if it is a short time, is very wearing both physically and emotionally. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and an epiphany on the part of your S.O. that you have been doing the best you can.

Peace
TK

[darksylvia.livejournal.com]

What a freaky chicken he is.

Maybe he has unresolved issues about it from his childhood. Maybe his mother never took enough care of him! [/Freud]

Anyway, It doesn't sound like it's you, it sounds like it's him getting irrationally annoyed.

[u2-grrrl.livejournal.com]

That's horrible. You have not been demanding, he should get a grip.

[equusentric.livejournal.com]

Um...considering how I'm sure you care for the guy and all...I'm not going to say what I WANT to say about this situation.

So I'll just ((((HUG)))) you.

[littlemisstexas.livejournal.com]

I second what equusentric said. *big hugs*

[phluphee.livejournal.com]

ditto
*hugs*

[nola-nola.livejournal.com]

You know I have heard stories like this before. Several friends have told me that when they are sick, their husbands freak out on them.

Maybe he was a lot more worried about you than he has let on and the stress has just gotten to him or something.

We all know guys don't handle it well when they are sick, they either act like babies or deny that there is anything wrong because it messes with their self image as the strong protector.

Maybe what your guy really wanted to do is leave town for a week to avoid the whole thing and what he did is to stay by you and take care of you and now he is exhausted--even though to us, as natural caretakers, what he has done so far wasn't such a big deal.

Anyway, my advice is to just chalk this up to the fact that guys are just weird about some things. As long as he is good to you in most ways, just forgive him for being an idiot and move on.

Nola