(no subject)

[sgorny]

Man, I'm having one of those days. You know, the kind where you just want to run away and hide, or get in your car and drive as far as you can on a tank of gas. And then buy more gas.

It's not really any one thing...

Perhaps it's the lack of sleep. The SO decided last night at 1:30 that it was time to wake me up and tell me all of my shortcomings. By wake me up, I mean poke me hard repeatedly in the back & arm in 4 different instances to make sure that I don't get any sleep.

The "problem"? In essence - I care more about the show, my computer, and my gadgets than him. I never f*cking do anything for him, and I lie to him about things like... what time I'll be home (this is when I misjudge and get home 20 minutes later than expected), what time I'll come to bed (I figure - if he's fallen asleep, and I stay up, what does it matter?)... and I can't think of anything else right now. And I spent last night not on QaF, but trying to update our mp3 library on the computer for both of us. But it still counts against me..

Also, he thinks he's having panic attacks, but he seems much too calm for that. He has had some things at work that he hasn't prepared for, and I think it's more anxiety related to that, but I could be wrong. I used to have panic attacks, and they seemed much more severe.

I occasionally woke him up in the early AM when I had one, because I felt like I was dying & wanted someone to be able to call the ambulance if needed. His words to me this early AM? "If I'm awake, than you will be, too." Sounds quite different from the reason I used to wake him up.

Well, I'm at work now, and get to argue with the boss tonight about last months bonus. He owes me $2K (by contract), and I know he is going to try to not pay it. He told me when he terminated our old contract that March was the last months bonus I'd get, but my contract states (in so many words) that "bonus accrued through the end of the contract period will be paid" as long as the Associate is not the one terminating the contract. And 30 days from the date of the termination letter was May 6th, so I get April's bonus. Of course, if I'd initiated the termination, than I wouldn't get bonus. But that didn't happen, so he is screwed. But I expect he will fight me on that.

I don't look forward to our discussion tonight. Because I will take him to small claims court for $2K. Or is that too big for small claims? Hopefully, I won't have to find out.

Of course, I'll probably have to quit here for that. And this could screw up our discussion of me buying the practice, but shit, I can't let him take me to the cleaners for this much. Especially since it's in my contract.

And then I get to go home and face the SO again. After last night, I really, really don't look forward to it.

Shit.


Sorry for the ramble, but I had to get it off my chest.

Comments

[altricial.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry things are tough :( I hope your boss will pay up, what an ass. I don't know what advice to give re: SO other than try to explain to him what other parts of your life means to you, even if it means nothing to him, and hopefully strike a compromise. *hugs*

[qafhappy.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I'm hoping that the boss will realize that it's futile to fight the contract and just pay up, since it's the last time he has to. We need a new contract to hold us until I buy the practice or leave, and that's another problem. I really need to be paid the going rate, and I know he's going to balk at paying me $75 more/day. And I just don't like confrontations. Neither does he, but he digs in his heels about $$.

And the SO? We've been in counselling for over a year, partially related to this (well, it started as something else). And while it is better than it was, if one day doesn't go as he wants, we're back to the bottom of the hill again.

And I just get so tired of it all.

Sometimes I feel like packing up the car, driving to Toronto, and staying until my $$ runs out. Then finding some kind of get by job there, or perhaps one in my field just over the border (since I can't practice in Canada unless I take 4 huge tests, which I would have to study for at least 4 months prior to do good on - school was quite a while ago).

And here I go, rambling on again. Thanks for listening.

[altricial.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I didn't know you and SO have been in counselling for so long. Is it helping at all? He seems to be quite a control freak from what you said. I'm sorry you have to deal with that :( I understand the need to get away from it all, too. Maybe you can take a week long or even a month vacation somewhere and just detox? You're prolly just drained, so everything gets to you that much more.

[qafhappy.livejournal.com]

It helped with the original problem.... but he is even more adamantly against anything QaF then before. It's pretty untenable, as I refuse to give up the one thing that I really like for him, and that's the only thing that will make him happy.

I let him do whatever he wants to musically - buy a $1300 guitar, record an album, practice as much as he wants... in fact, I encourage him to have outside interests. Want to go skiing every Friday with work friends? No problem. Go to the casino with a friend? Go! (since he doesn't go crazy on $$)

The main problem? 16 years together, and he doesn't have that many friends outside of work. So I have to fulfill a big part of his socialization needs, and I really need a certain amount of private time and time for my own interests.

Sigh...

Well, enough bitching. I'll just soldier on like I always do.

[altricial.livejournal.com]

Aw. Yeah this is tricky and sticky. 16 years, man. My longest relationship was 4 months, so all the power to you. I think he does need to look into the whole having life separate from you thing, or he's just going to stay resentful that you have one and he doesn't. :// Hope things work out okay soon!

[qafhappy.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for the kind thoughts. I'm going to try to be positive about it, and give him more attention. Hopefully, that will let him cut me more slack.

[kick-it-harder.livejournal.com]

I really hope things start looking up for you sweetie.
Good luck *hugs*
<3

[punkdoc.livejournal.com]

Sorry that you are dealing with crappy stuff on multiple fronts. Definitely fight the boss. I've seen a number of experienced docs tell graduating residents to watch out for practices that take advantage of the associates.

[phluphee.livejournal.com]

::huggles::